Woes of a New Job

So it's been a good few months since I left my old job due to the level of bitchiness and drama and you would think that I would have settled into my new job now with people who I may not necessarily call my friends but good acquaintances and company to speak to whilst I'm on shift... Wrong. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely grateful for the current position I am in. I'm no longer in a stressful job where the mass amount of responsibility and shit I would have to deal with each shift would reduce me to tears and gradually break me down emotionally to the point where I ask myself what is the point of me even turning up to work? I also appreciate the fact that my new managers recognize my hard work ethic and have rewarded that by offering me the extra hours I need each week in order to make ends meet at the end of the month (the extra money being a BIG bonus without having to slave my ass off like I used to). However, I would like to think to myself that, although I wish to avoid the drama and a repeat of past jobs, I would gel with people that I work with and have a level of communication with them where I can just relax and be myself around them. Wrong. 

Now, I work five days a week so I get to work with two sets of staff on a weekly basis. The first set of staff have been very welcoming and lovely considering I forced someone off their section and back onto a daily role that I didn't particularly like myself (THANKFULLY they've been understanding and are practically thanking me for that lol). On the other hand, the other set of staff - although very nice and friendly - I have not jelled with so well...

I wouldn't say that I don't want to make an effort. Of course I want to make a conscious effort to get to know the people I work with. What doesn't help now is that the only other people I directly work with in my section are the managers. Therefore, there is that automatic pressure not only to impress them but to make sure I continue working hard in order to prove myself worthy of the rewarded hours they have given me. On the other hand, this results in an element of loneliness I thought I would never experience in the workplace UNLESS I was hand-cuffed to a desk and a computer screen with limited communication other than via email or telephone. It's not as if the place I work isn't bustling. There are customers as well as staff members around each corner. Though certain cliques and friendship groups definitely exist where I work (something I don't really want to get involved with), I just get the horrible impression that they don't like me... and I really don't know why. 

Maybe it's a paranoia that I have but I know I can get quite tongue-tied particularly around new people and I know that I'm probably not the most charismatic person to speak to, particularly with me being so work-oriented. Maybe it's a wall I've created myself for not wanting to get involved with work drama. Maybe, this social isolation has been constructed by myself because I'm aware that my loud mouth has got me into trouble in the past so I don't want a repeat of past events. 

However, I feel like almost crying out for attention. Not in the way of throwing a paddy or cause attention to myself in an extravagant way, no. That's far from what I want. I just wish that I could speak to people and talk to them on a level that they talk amongst themselves. Maybe it's the fact that they are friends outside of work or know each other from school and I'm a complete outsider, I don't know. What I do know is that if I knew for a fact someone else felt like how I feel, I would want to do everything just to make them feel welcome and encouraged to be more social. 

Maybe it's just a self-confidence issue. Maybe it's a problem that I have caused myself without wanting to. I just wish that I could let this element of social anxiety go aside and fully enjoy being in a new job and creating a new network of people to socialise with because where I work now is honestly (and I never thought I would say this) the best and most relaxed job I've had since working full stop. I don't want this to overwhelm me to the point where I feel uncomfortable in work or where people start to pick up on that impression. Those two things are the last things I want. 

If anyone reading this thinks I'm way over my head or even has some advice, please say. Maybe it's a personal weakness of mine that I haven't fully diagnosed yet.